falling, getting up, stumbling then up again

sometimes we fall and don’t understand why or how or how come, yet we get up and try, and just as you think you won’t make the same mistake again, you fall again.

But this second time has taught you the things you never learnt the first time.

I dwelled on you, being sad and upset and wondering, how come I lost my best friend.

But knowing what you do to me made me realize the damages you have on my soul.

Its the feeling of never being enough, of feeling that you are the root cause of misery when your heart was never set to be someone else misery.

Its within the ways you found comfort in me and suffocated me through it.

Its the fact that little voice in the back of my head that said “you’ll be good without it” that made me feel so guilty was actually true.

Sometimes it takes us two falls to understand why we lost a person in a specific part of our lives. Why they were there in specific chapters only and not so much forever. Its also knowing and understanding that some are only there for you for a certain chapter of your life, just like at moments in novels, where a character is there to teach you and lesson and go, some people are never meant to stay as the main characters in your novel, no, its just to give you a glimpse of the knowledge you need to know before you move on from this chapter of your life.

Knowledge by itself is power. Lessons are values. Memories will always be cherished, but somethings are never meant to last for a reason, and when you know the reason, every inch of you will want you to move on, look forward to the next chapter of your life without once looking back, because now you know, why it happened like it happened.

Sometimes, the second fall, heals you the most.

Every day I discover more and more beautiful things. It’s enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.
- Claude Monet (via battledfield)
Basically we are all looking for someone who knows who we are and will break it to us gently.
- Robert Brault (via mmemos)

(Source: larmoyante)

Its not that you want to move on, its the fact that you NEED to move on, you owe it to yourself

I just don’t want to be sad about it any more.

I need to let the thought of you being my once best friend go, I need to truly let you go from my heart first so you stop visiting my mind every now and then.

If you were facing me right now, Id look at you, smile and you’d know, that this was the last time your eyes ever met mine.

& the funny thing, we got everything we ever wanted in the last time we actually met, we did all the little dumb things we always spoke about. and something in me knew, that this was the last time ill ever see you, I just didn’t know at that moment that my instinct was true. 

This is what I wanted deep down, a chance, a new opportunity to become a person that I always wanted to be, this is what I have been longing for, for a really long while now. an opportunity, a fresh start and here I got it.

I have to let you go, I really owe this to myself.